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The Sponsor/Sponsee Relationship and How to Keep it Healthy

The Alcoholics Anonymous recovery process relies on facilitators and sponsors, the volunteers who keep local support group meetings going from week to week. Within the AA framework, the sponsor/sponsee relationship plays an important role in recovery success for both. That’s why setting AA sponsor boundaries is very necessary.

In both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous recovery programs, the sponsor/sponsee dynamic helps hold group members accountable. Changes Healing Center knows the power of this therapeutic alliance. Our treatment team urges addiction treatment program graduates to attend AA or NA as part of their post-treatment plans to offer accountability and practical support. Attendance also helps our graduates avoid a relapse.

We encourage you to keep reading. This post will give you an idea of the role the sponsor and sponsee each play in successful recovery outcomes.

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Who Can Be an Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor?

In both Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), a sponsor is usually a member who has already achieved great strides in their own recovery journey. Here are the general guidelines for those in the sponsorship role:

  • Effective sponsors usually have 1 to 2 years of no substance use.
  • The sponsor must be willing to support and guide the sponsee’s recovery throughout the entire 12 Steps.
  • The sponsor role requires them to live by the principles of the 12 Steps, even if they have not completed their recovery process yet.

Many new to AA are surprised to hear that sometimes, the AA sponsor may not have completed all the steps. However, they are beyond steps 5 or 6 and have submitted to a Higher Power. Sponsors are also actively working on their own addiction program. Active participation ensures the sponsor remains a good role model for the sponsee.

The Sponsor/Sponsee Relationship and Effective Recovery Programs

Sponsor-Sponsee Relationship

The best sponsor-sponsee relationship comes from a place of sincere mutual respect. Each person appreciates each other’s efforts, which leads to a healing environment. Remember that sponsors are also people struggling with addiction – these guidelines are necessary as the sponsor works on their own recovery outcomes.

Sponsors share their own experiences to guide and support the new member. They share lessons learned along the way to provide the sponsee with valuable insights about addiction.

The sponsor works hard to set boundaries that support a healthy dynamic. Clear boundaries keep the sponsorship relationship professional and focused on sponsor/sponsee recovery.

Sponsors should be prepared to answer questions from the sponsee, keeping in step with the talking points of the 12 Step program. The relationship is professional, with addiction providing common ground for both the sponsor and sponsee.

Finding AA Sponsorship to Guide Your Program

The sponsor and sponsee relationship is one of the keys to a successful recovery program, including AA and NA. But how do you find the right sponsor?

Attend your AA meetings regularly. Regular attendance gives you the chance to pay attention to the other members. Consider their experiences and the progress they’ve achieved. Once you get to know the members over a few weeks, you may identify someone who can support you. Approach the person after the meeting and ask them if they’d be willing to serve as your sponsor.

Some AA facilitators will announce sponsor opportunities, asking for experienced members to volunteer. This announcement can happen formally during the meeting opening or more casually in the closing comments, depending on the meeting format. As potential sponsors raise their hands to indicate interest in sponsorship, take note of them. Consider their lived experiences and your interactions with them. After the program, approach the sponsor who you think would be a good fit and discuss the possibilities.

Support Groups Play a Crucial Role in the Recovery Journey

Building a Sober Community

Let’s start with an overview of why joining an addiction recovery group helps a member achieve long-term sobriety. Here are some ways recovery meetings can help maintain sobriety after attending treatment centers:

Building a Sober Community

People who have attended outpatient or inpatient rehab often feel isolated because of the stigma of seeking professional help. AA meetings can help you feel included and loved. More importantly, your sponsor becomes a trusted resource for support on days when you are struggling with any mental health or addiction recovery challenges.

An example is a past Changes client, ‘Lexie,’ who felt all alone after leaving her recovery facility. She had been living in her car and struggling with a binge drinking problem before getting help. Lexie’s parents agreed to allow her to move back to her family’s home on the condition that she would attend AA every week to stay on track.

She went to AA but floundered in the first two meetings. By her third meeting, she’d found an AA sponsor, which helped her stay engaged. As a sponsee, Lexie had a person to guide her through the steps of the program, providing the social and emotional support she needed to succeed.

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Receiving Ongoing Support

AA pairs experienced members who have successfully navigated the program (sponsors) with new members to AA (sponsees). Sponsees can turn to sponsors for guidance and growth. Sponsors provide accounts of personal experiences and provide advice on how sponsees can work the steps to meet their recovery goals.

‘Derrick’ had come to Changes from a small town in Rhode Island with an addiction to alcohol and prescription pain pills. He could not attend a step-down program because he lived so far from our Phoenix location. AA was Derrick’s best option for continued recovery support.

He quickly found a sponsor who shared a similar story; a painful athletic injury had led both sponsor and sponsee down the dark path to addiction. Derrick and his sponsor had a strong professional relationship and both continued to make progress in their own journey because of the alliance.

Increasing Accountability Throughout the Recovery Process

When you attend meetings, it’s more than just social support. AA provides both the sponsor and sponsee a chance to check in with each other. It’s an opportunity for sponsees to ask the sponsor any questions. It’s an opportunity to provide feedback and emotional support to stay motivated to stay sober for another week.

‘Kevin’ struggled with an addiction for years before getting professional care at Changes. He had lost hope and had given up before receiving a sentence of court-ordered recovery. Despite his initial hesitation, Kevin opened up to his therapists and accomplished all his program goals.

After the Changes recovery program, Kevin’s charges were reduced and the judge gave him a probation sentence instead of jail time. Kevin turned to AA – and his sponsor – for ongoing support. Kevin’s sponsor held him accountable and called him to ensure meeting attendance when he started to slip. Kevin became a success story and eventually became a recovery sponsor himself.

Get Professional Recovery Treatment at Changes Healing Center

Professional Recovery Treatment at Changes Healing Center

Many people find that AA alone cannot meet their recovery needs. If that sounds like you, consider calling Changes for professional care.

We are Joint Commission-accredited and offer a full continuum of care, including residential treatment, intensive outpatient programs, and partial hospitalization. Our team can provide whatever level of care best meets your individual needs.

Our recovery center accepts both self-pay clients and most major group medical insurance carriers. We believe that cost should not be a barrier to treatment and work with Arizona Medicaid (AHCCCS), AIHP members, and private insurers.

Call Changes Healing Center today to discuss your recovery needs – we are always here to help.

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FAQs About the Sponsor/Sponsee Relationship in 12 Step Groups

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about AA sponsors and sponsees:

What’s the Role of a Recovery Sponsor?

The sponsor provides the sponsee with guidance, support, and accountability. They guide the sponsee as they work through the Twelve Steps of the program.

Can I Have More Than One Sponsor?

While some people choose to have 2 sponsors, the AA program does not recommend this for most sponsees. Building a trusting relationship is the main factor of a strong sponsor/sponsee relationship, so adding a second sponsor can complicate the dynamic.

Can Sponsors Have More Than One Sponsee?

Having more than one sponsee is not ideal, as it takes a certain amount of time and energy to be effective in sponsoring someone. However, having more than a single sponsee relationship may become necessary in smaller groups with limited membership.

When Will I Be Ready to Be a Sponsor?

While becoming a sponsor is an admirable goal, working on your own recovery first is a must. You should have a year or two of sobriety and be at an advanced stage of your AA program. Only by completing the early steps will you be able to offer a sponsee the encouragement and stability necessary for sobriety.

How Often Should the Sponsor and Sponsee Meet?

Sponsor and Sponsee Meeting Timeline

AA does not have a firm rule on this, but most facilitators suggest meeting at least once a week. Regular contact, often just before or after the weekly AA group meets, is a fundamental principle of AA. These weekly check-ins will help with program accountability and a continued relationship with your sponsor.

Some sponsees may need additional contacts or calls with the sponsor, especially in the more challenging stages of the program.

What if the Sponsor/Sponsee Dynamic Isn’t Working?

Things may not work out in the sponsor/sponsee relationship – on the part of either party involved. It is okay to seek a new sponsor if the relationship becomes ineffective for either of you.

Be gracious in ending things with the current sponsor. They are still a member of your local sobriety community, and you’ll likely interact with them each week. As you move forward and form a relationship with another sponsor, find someone you feel more comfortable with and who you believe will provide the support you need.

Does a Sponsor Give Medical or Legal Advice?

No. Sponsors are people in recovery, just like you. They are there to support your journey and guide you only within the context of they AA program. If you need professional advice on legal or medical issues related to substance abuse, you should call a qualified expert.