If you’d asked me in early recovery what I thought about the idea of a higher power, I probably would’ve rolled my eyes, shrugged, and mumbled something about God stuff not being for me. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I’d spent most of my life disconnected from anything spiritual. Religion felt hollow, and the only higher power I’d answered to was addiction. It ruled me.
But when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, people kept talking about their higher power in AA and NA. Not just in meetings, but in coffee shops, at the smoke breaks, and in those raw late-night phone calls. I didn’t get it at first. And I didn’t need to. That’s what saved me.
I was introduced to the 12-step programs by the treatment center I credit with saving my life. Changes Healing Center in Phoenix provided me with an opportunity to change.
Coming to Changes Healing Center was the first of many steps I took to finding a Higher Power that I can do business with. Hopefully, through reading this post, you begin to understand how beautiful my life has become in the process of learning to trust a higher power.
Step Two says we “came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” That phrase hit me weird. I mean, what is sanity, anyway? I wasn’t hearing voices or anything. But if I looked honestly at my life, at the wreckage, the lies, the pain I caused, it was hard to argue I’d been living sanely.
The phrase “power greater than ourselves” isn’t about religion. It’s about humility. It’s about accepting that I couldn’t fix myself with the same broken thinking that got me here. Whether it was nature, the universe, or just the collective strength of the group, I started to believe in something. And that “something” was stronger than the pull of the bottle, or the bag, or the old ideas I’d clung to.
One of the things that drew me in was how personal the Higher Power concept is. In both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, nobody forces a specific version of God or a higher power on you. I know some who call their higher power “the Group,” others who think of it as Love, the Ocean, or simply Higher Power. That kind of openness allowed me to begin finding a Higher Power concept without pressure.
It took me a while, but eventually I started finding a higher power in recovery itself. I found it in the people who’d walked before me, in their honesty, in their willingness to help. That was a Higher Power. That was real. It helped me believe in a better life.
At first, my sponsor told me, “Borrow my Higher Power until you find your own.” That seemed ridiculous until it worked. I didn’t have faith yet, but I had desperation, and sometimes that’s enough to get started.
I began to find a connection with a higher power in quiet moments. Watching my daughter sleep after years of being an absent parent. Seeing an old friend hug his mom after making amends. Feeling peace for the first time in years. Actual inner peace. These moments added up. They helped me believe that a Higher Power was playing a role in my life, even if I didn’t fully understand it.
In my experience, believing in a higher power is less about control and more about letting go of it. Addiction had me thinking I could run the show and ignoring the role that a higher power plays. I just felt I had to try harder. But trying harder got me drunk, broke, and alone. Recovery asked me to believe that I didn’t have to fix everything myself. That maybe surrender was strength, not weakness.
Studies have shown the importance of spirituality in recovery. It has been shown to reduce stress and significantly improve quality of life. Spirituality, along with social supports, begins to lay a foundation for a successful life in recovery.
That belief gave me emotional balance. It helped me start to trust the process, to accept that I didn’t need all the answers on day one. My job was to be willing. The rest unfolded.
One thing that often comes up in AA and NA meetings is the distinction between spirituality and religion. I had a lot of baggage with religion, but spirituality? That was something else. That was me learning to live by principles like honesty, service, and humility.
Spirituality gave me a new path. Not some perfect, saintly path, but a human one. One that allowed mistakes, setbacks, and growth. I didn’t have to believe in the Holy Trinity or follow a particular doctrine. I just had to open myself to the idea that maybe, just maybe, there was something out there, a Higher Power, greater than my ego self. For those looking for a more non-secular religious program, there is Celebrate Recovery.
Even now, being years into recovery, my concept of a higher power is still evolving. I still struggle sometimes. I still doubt. But I also see the signs. I see the way I show up for people struggling now, the way I react with patience instead of rage, the way I feel connected to my higher power instead of numb.
That’s the kind of power I believe in. One that shows up through other people. Through support, through service, through being present. My higher power leads me toward lasting recovery, not because I suddenly became enlightened, but because I stopped trying to do recovery all on my own.
If you’re new and the whole higher power thing feels weird or uncomfortable, I get it. You’re not alone. Start with willingness. Start with the group. Start with the sense that you don’t have to carry this by yourself anymore.
Recovery doesn’t demand that you believe in a specific Higher Power. Recovery asks you to believe that healing is possible, that you’re not meant to do this alone, and that surrender isn’t failure. It’s freedom.
Believing in a higher power doesn’t mean I understand it. It doesn’t mean I’ve reached some holy status. It just means I’m not running the show anymore. It means I can walk through fear instead of avoiding it. Trust instead of controlling everything. Show up for life as it is, not as I wish it were.
That belief in a higher power has become my guiding force. It’s led me away from addictive substances. It brought me out of chaos and into something that resembles peace. It’s given me a sense of meaning in places I used to only feel empty.
Whether you believe in God, the universe, the program, or just the people in your meetings, you’ve got room to find your own way. That’s the beauty of AA and NA. The only requirement is a desire to stop using. The rest, including your higher power, will come in time. But only when you’re open to it.
My higher power doesn’t talk to me in burning bushes or booming voices. But it speaks, clear as day, through the people that helped me save my life at Changes Healing Center, through the steps I take, and through the peace I never thought I’d feel. And that’s enough for me.
If you are struggling, substance abuse treatment is only a phone call away. Changes Healing Center in Phoenix has the perfect supportive environment for you to get through the detox process and start the recovery experience.
They awarded me the opportunity to save my own life, and can do the same for you. Don’t wait another day, get the help you need to start a new life with Changes Healing Center.
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